My Day in Court

So, after two days in the hospital, today I was in court.

No, I'm not in trouble. I was actually in a courtroom preparing to testify in a sticky little legal situation here in my adopted hometown of Gainesville, FLA. Unfortunately, I am no stranger to courtrooms. If I never have to be in another one, I will consider myself one fortunate dude.

Courtrooms are the stage upon which life's misery is acted out every day. They're kind of like doctor's offices or emergency rooms, I suppose; nobody goes to the doctor because they're feeling great. If you're there, chances are you've got a problem.

Courtrooms are, by definition, adversarial. Somebody is always against somebody else. That's probably why I don't like them...except, that I realized again today that I actually sort of do. Like them, I mean.

This could be mildly perverse, I'm thinking. In a courtroom, you are allowed-- as long as you're quiet and follow the bailiff's rules-- to sit and observe evidence of the most outrageous claims and behaviors imaginable. People in courtrooms are mean to each other. I guess that's why they're in a courtroom. It is entertaining at times; I mean, really, some of the things that happen there crack me up.

Nothing gets held back in the courtroom. This could be the source of the 70's catchphrase, "let it all hang out." Accusal. Denial. Outrage (moral and otherwise.) Penitence. Dysfunction. The "Evil Eye." I witnessed all of these things today. And that was just the first case.

I actually feel a great deal of pity for most of the people I meet when I go to courtrooms. The people who are sitting in the gallery are the families, loved ones, and parties affected by the actions of the folks back there in the lockup. Most of them didn't really do anything to deserve the misery they are being exposed to.

Court. What a wacky place to be, and a heckuva way to make a living. Kudos to the clerks, reporters, judges and officers who make it happen and keep it orderly. But I hope you'll excuse me if I don't make it back any time soon.

I'm going to be practicing the "Evil Eye."