Dead and Dumber

Okay, so this is what gives government programs a bad name.

Maybe our government's efforts are perpetually doomed due to the sheer size of our nation. Or, maybe those proponents of "less government" really do have a point.

I dunno, but I do know that the little Associated Press article tucked away on page 4 of my local newspaper (which I still enjoy reading in its actual ink and paper format, thank you very much!) reports that there were 72,000 federal stimulus payments sent to dead people this past year. (You can read it here, if you dare.)

Mmmm...that's right. Our Social Security Administration and its front-line employees managed to cut checks to 72,000 people who, at some time, were receiving Social Security payments in some form, but couldn't cash these particular payouts...BECAUSE THEY WERE DEAD!

Now, how that happens exactly will most likely remain a great mystery, swallowed up eternally in the bowels of the SSA's own internal investigation into the matter. I believe that, unwittingly, the early patriots that set aside the District of Columbia as the home for our central government functions must have placed it on top of an invisible black hole. One that eats data, unflattering reports, and intelligence, evidently.

The really interesting thing, though-- and this says a lot about the makeup of our citizenry, unfortunately-- is that only about 37,000 of the payments were returned. There are still 35,000 or so payments out there, "stimulating" the economy on behalf of dead people. Not exactly what either party had in mind, I don't suppose...but, in America, dead people spending is better than no people spending, I guess!

Oh, yeah-- there were also another 17,000 checks, totaling $4.3 million, that were sent to approximately 17,000 people in prison. Just how many cigarettes and pudding pops can you buy with that?

I suppose all of this goes into the category of , "You just can't make this stuff up!"